Some of us will never know old age
Some of us will never know
Were they meant to be old?
Was there a version of them awaiting somewhere in the ether
With wrinkles and back pain and a blurry vision and the anger that comes with time passed or the placid acceptance of days that have become too long?
If we are asked as kids what we want to become, we never think of old bodies
We see strength and will and easiness and the confidence that comes with young adulthood
We never see the frailties of life, the fears of not sleeping, the sense of inadequacy or that of having accomplished too little
Yet our lives pass by, they go quickly
But some of us are bright lights
You, Barbara, who just passed in our lives leaving a trail of joy and laughter and dance
I can’t understand why you won’t see yourselves age – oh you saw your body diminish and fail and crumble but it wasn’t from age, it was from death coming to knock at the wrong door and taking you nonetheless
But this light will remain
We have all seen it
All of us who danced with you, who followed you in the shiny path you were always pointing at, full of glitter, and laughter, and naughtiness – I always loved the way you said the word ‘naughty’
So few people know how to do this, how to live each day and want more and never imagine that it could not not be fun
I will cherish these memories
I will keep them in me
I will remember your face and the way you said my name each time we met and the moments we shared on the stairways of clubs
How many times did we talk about it, the Roxy, Body and Soul, Fire Island, you were always there with us, bringing us, planning the outings and the way we would meet
I do not want to think that your little body is cold, that the smile is gone, that your hair will stop being short or long
I want you to stay but you’re gone and I miss you
–
To my dear friend Barbara Hunt McLanahan who left us yesterday –
#poem #poemforafriend